I was beaten dat night till my mouth denied me cry,

You know when your village people has gathered in the village square and plan for you eh, it will only take Apostle Johnson suleman's speaking intongues to deliver u! 
I come from a family where seizing of phone by dad is like a culture and d thing will so pain me eh that I will be y e no b me born this man make I just teach him lesson mtcheww 
Naso my bobo come buy me new fone and I come dey use am unto hiding way nah u know, will only bring it out when am outside d house and flex and also in the night to construct love message wet dey scara Bobo's oblungata na kos I b prof for sweet message nah *head swelling things'
Naso one night nah, oh somobori shout one night oooo! Popsy send me go buy shaving stick for across d road o, Naso I go dr go balance type this 5pages message of sweet things oh telling bobo how I enjoyed the mmmmmm *na u get ur mouth o* dt we had in d afternoon wen I visited and how I can't wait to speak in Swahili tongues again o Bla Bla Bla.... Oh wisdom! Satan come punish me o I carry this thing go send kpakam.... For my dad fone o Choi! Me sef no even know Wetin apn, was smiling like fish head nah waiting for bobos reply nah..... 
I come reach house nah after eating, was busy waiting n I didn't see his reply, for the first time I placed ds fone under my pillow and slept off still waiting for bobos reply...
Small time my fone started ringing ooo, did I tell you I forgot to put it in silent after I came back to the house, oh! Naso dad follow the sound come my room kos he was dialing d number nh, Jesus *in Okon voice*i have finises *in Jennifer voice *,
All I heard was give it to me! 
My sisters in the Lord! Even Satan would have had mercy on me compare to what my father did to me dt night, even my spirit denied me dt night... 
This man woke every body up n all came to the living room and he read everything line by line to dr hearing, I felt like closing his mouth n still trusting God I was dreaming, I couldn't even look at mum...
I was beaten dt night till my mouth denied me cry, u know dt feeling wn u r tired of crying and wn u open ur mouth nothing comes out again. Dt was what happened to me that night 
The next morning I woke up before every body and did all the chores greeted everybody including my younger ones good morning oh! Me of all people.
That's d story I will live to tell even my next generation

And God answered me....

We finally got home and she was not reaching any milestones. At 7mths,she couldn't carry her head,she can't see, sit,stand or even make sounds.But you know what, my hubby loved her so much. I went to different pastors for prayers, i cried every day and nite even at work. My friends and sister stood by me.

People said different things. Some said dt it was my hubby dt use my dead baby and the special one for rituals and want my head too, some said dt it was God's punishment to us for getting preg before marriage etc. Despite all these, i loved her. She is so pretty , innocent and adorable. As a Catholic, i did a novena to the holy spirit, i begged God to take her cos she was going through so much pains. God finally took my baby on April 4th 2013 at 8months, 2weeks and 1day while she was sleeping at nite. I kissed her and bid her farewell.

Despite all these challenges, God loved us and stood by us. I was 29yrs and hubby was 30yrs. People said dt i will not be able to get pregnant with a massive fibriod and that my womb has decayed cos i carried a dead baby in my womb for more than 7months(Very rare to survive). I asked" who are you to say when God has not said". We decided to relax and enjoy ourselves before getting pregnant and to do our white wedding which we did in April 2014.

I took in immediately and delivered Chizaram (God answered me) in Dec 2014 with a stress free pregnancy. While the baby was 10months old, i took in again and had Chizitelu(God sent)in June 2016.

I remembered my late mum's prayers to me while growing up. She said, my only daughter" i pray that you will marry somebody like you dad, somebody that will always put you first after God and somebody that will love you more than you do". God gave me all these qualities in my hubby.

God, gave us double for our loss, he blessed me with two angels and a wonderful man. No matter what you are passing through, always know that is a phase. If i can have my kids, then you will. God is ever faithful and he keep his words.

Relax for your own testimonies.
I see you all.
Fin cares.

My illness, trauma, depression and then healing testimony...

My heart goes to anyone dealing with whatever form of illness and disease; I pray you strength and healing.

Exactly a year ago, 19th Dec 2014 when the battle for my health and life started after what was called a “minor” surgery.

"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."
― Emory Austin.

I am not one very comfortable dropping private story on FB, but I found strength in someone's journey to healing shared here on Facebook.

I believe my story will also encourage someone not give up hope.

19th Dec '14
Heart cold as stone as the nurse wheeled me into the theatre with a smile...

Are you feeling "high" already the doctor asked…
I gave him the STFU look...(well I wasn't in the mood for one of his dry jokes)
she never laughs to any of my jokes he said...

My heart beating faster for fear of not knowing what lies ahead.
I gave my will to the Anesthesia as I drifted away...

Hours passed...

Loud shouts of my name Deola! Deola!! Deola!!! Snapped me out of my deep sleep, the storm is over someone said...

Trying to see if I would recognize people around, the Nurse started with the who is this questions...I responded with sounds that convinced her I did. I couldn't keep my eyes opened for long; I went off and on through the day.

The Beginning
Well, it started like a sore throat, became so stubborn and resistant of all medication. Swollen tonsils ( one would assume it's tonsillitis). The bigger the swelling the tighter the jaw locks.

Every sledgehammer antibiotics had nothing on it, the more the doctor aspirated (Get fluids out of the gum with a needle and syringe) the bigger it gets.

I have lived with peptic ulcer before then, with my inability to feed it became very aggressive. I couldn't be administered stronger painkillers because of this state; I felt Pain 100% all the way...Pains that confused the brain, Pains that rendered me numb.

..the struggle is over I thought to myself, now I will be able to eat, Take spoon into my mouth, clean my teeth with a toothbrush...
little did I know this would be the beginning of a very long night.

After the surgical procedure to remove the tumour growing on my tonsil which closed up my mouth and obstructed my speech. I came back with severe muscle spasms worse than I left with, I was still unable to depress the jaws. Days turned weeks, weeks-months.

I was moved from Lagos to be with Family who carried my ailments in theirs minds.

My little flesh was gone, I was bone dry.
Finding innovative ways to feed me watery cerelac was a necessity for my survival.

Vulnerabilities
I hated never to be in control of things that concerns me...I fought so hard as I became the object of pity. I used up all my energy questioning why I was not getting better; resisting my reality

I lost grip...

Traumatized by my own pains and experiences. Panic attacks became something handy; concentration became a rumour...

..So I am dying I said to myself...

Events looked unpredictable, passing out could happen when ever and where ever. I could no longer be by myself...insomnia, severe migraine, my pulse slowing down while I go on and off... Scary!

Acceptance
As events unravel, I thought to myself: "But Deola you are not dead yet nah"
I began my Journey to healing with the acceptance of my reality at the time, my predicaments. I embraced my vulnerabilities, you don't have to fix everything yourself Deola, it's okay to take help from people… you are not in control

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it" -Nicholas Sparks

Healing
Learning to walk again...
Father takes me on a walk every morning at the backyard. Gradually I gained confidence that I could do better. Father would tell me don't push it, Slow and steady wins the race.

We travelled 3-4 times a week to the closest teaching hospital, which is in Ile- Ife.
I started with Physiotherapy sessions to correct my deformed body. I wanted to stand upright again.

Months after, my posture improved but my mouth still closed up.

In Lagos, another Surgical Procedure was scheduled based on misdiagnosis to Open up my Locked Jaws, by this time I had no strength to resist anything. I was tired of the back and forth...2015 is running to an end I said to myself.

At the height of preps, a superior specialist showed up to discard this wrong diagnosis, this was my saving grace from what would have changed my life forever.

I commenced an intense treatment/therapy for Fibrosis and Temporomandibular joint ankylosis.
A deeply painful procedure of forcing the Jaws open with crazy tools some looked like pliers. I would cry until I feel nothing (numb).

I put the last ounce of Faith in me towards this...
I was told it wouldn’t work, it’s a waste of time

I believed it would.

And Yes! It worked.

Oh that beautiful feeling whenever we take measurements and there is an improvement. I remembered calling my Family to share the news of being able to get a spoon into my mouth... We celebrated like we won baba Ijebu.

I faced my fears of eating in public...I was so conscious of my disabilities and the stare I get from People (probably wondering "why this one dey chop like this" )

Overtime, I couldn't be bothered who watched as I picked the grain of rice one after the other or how long I spent consuming a tiny portion of food.

11months down the line...going through different specialists; Ent surgeons, Maxillofacial surgeons, Cardiologists, Physiotherapists, Iya Alagbo, Baba Aladura, Wolis, Pastors, Herbalists, Pharmacists and the “ists” I don't remember to add…

My body healed up gradually and finally!

The Mind (PTSD)
Getting back at life to start my normal routine of work. Flashbacks of events became overwhelming. I would blink severally so I can concentrate. It became difficult to read and understand, as I would read a line several times to get a hold of it.
I would be on the road only to forget where I was going or coming from.
Claustrophobia, Hyper sensitivity, a mosquito bite looks like a tumour...
Fear shows up at my door always.

Depression sets in.

I thought I could handle it myself.

No I couldn't

I sought professional help, I am still on the process...
It is getting better I believe.
It is a daily work, I am glad I could be open about it.

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you." -Rumi

Thoughts
The things I had taken for granted, like the free air I breathe, the luxury of packing large chunk of food in my mouth, ability to shout and gist with next door neighbor, the strength to walk long distances... I would think it's natural, Now I know It's a privilege.

My life can no longer be the same, things have changed for me.
A realization that rids me of every sense of entitlement.

I apologize faster now, no time for unnecessary burden. I call out people who offends me-mend fences. No space for negativity

I start living- learning to enjoy everyday as it's a gift.

I know about pains that wouldn't go away, but as crazy as it was, seeing people in worse situations changed my attitude to gratitude.

I am deeply thankful for every day I get to see.

Gratitude
To My Father,
Baba Adé as I fondly call him... You have been a blessing to me.

You would drive me down to the Hospital, sit the whole day in the car waiting for me. You left everything to be there by my side always…Nothing else mattered to you but my health.
Abiyamo Ku Oro Omo.

I am happy that today is a beautiful day- to be thankful to God for life, not one for grieve

I Love you Dad.

Thankful to everyone in my family... Mother, Step Mother, Aunt, Uncle, everyone that showed support.

To Friends, Thanks for Prayers and Support.
My colleagues at work, I thank you all for the love.

To the central force by which all things emerge…I reverence you Abba.

When you send a message to the wrong person

Being honest...😢

I was at work that day when my Aunty rang for a loan... 'She said, please I need £500, I am desperate but I don't want to ring your husband without talking to you first. Please help me ask him'... I was like.. Oh, no problem Aunty, leave it in my hands, I will send him a message now because he is at work too and he should get back to you later on'. Here is the message I composed to hubby... 'Hey Hun, how are you getting on? Aunty Florence just rang me asking for £500 loan! Do we want to loan her? What if we have to chase her to get it back? u'd better know what to tell her because she is banking on you!!'....
I sent the message to Aunty Florence instead😫 I was shattered for the rest of the day! Aunty Florence never called back and we haven't spoken to her since 2012.
Who else has sent the wrong message to the wrong person?

Hunger in Nigeria, Please help fellow sisters!!!

I picked my son from school after work this evening, on our way I remembered we are out of provisions, stopped to get them.
Just as I was about making a turn into our close I saw this lady, in my mind this lady looks familiar, iam so not good at recognising people quickly, then she smiled n I remembered yes she comes to sweep our compound every biweekly. And I waved n said I thought you were supposed to come lastSaturday and she replied she did, that Antie please I need your assistance.
Me: ok what happened?
She: Anything at all pls help me
Me: that is just leaving the supermarket now, ok lemme see if I have anything left. I gave her 1k n kept 1k incase as hubby is not around.
She: Auntie pls even food stuffs my children are hungry no food in the house n my husband haven't collected salary.
Me: haba this is more than I thought, ok pls enter the car.
Long n short of it as we entered compound I told her to wait while I went into the house to ransack my store. Honestly my sisters iam not used to storing foodstuffs as I have a very nuclear family at the mo. So I scooped some raw rice, maggi that my mother in law gave me last 2 months, crayfice that I blended n kept in the freezer *kai i bought that crayfish soo expensive*lol, raw meat in the freezer, fried groundnuts, bread n butter etc but it pained me that iam out of garri.
I went out n handed it to her.
Meanwhile when I first gave her the 1k I told her it was her sweeping money for next weekend. But on a 2nd thought I told her please manage the 1k to buy garri n oil. And pls that 1k is not your sweeping money
My dear finsters this hardship Is real, let us help out as much as we can whenever we can.
Praying for this recession to pass us by, for this is a phase and it must pass.
God bless us all and God bless our country Nigeria.
FinLove....

To all the single ladies, relax, Mr. Right will surely find you!!!

I first of all want to thank the lovely angel who added me to this group. Everyday on fin brings me closer to reality and helps me get a clearer view of life, most especially on relationships and marriage. I deeply want to thank every one for sharing their stories because it ain't easy and also the founder of this group.
My story could be seen as that of a girl who strives to get a good relationship but keeps falling into one bad one to the other Eg I became a bank for some, almost lost my self esteem, almost stopped believing in love, in general i felt love wasnt for me. I just couldn't understand why I wasn't getting good relationship. Funny enough, it seems when you single and in need of a relationship all you see around are people in good relationship and people around you getting married, trust me it aint funny at all cus it gets you thinking way to much, guess some of us can relate to this. Then finally in April this year I reluctantly went for a friend's wedding in another town and i meet this tall dark and handsome guy (just as i used to write in slum books back in secondary school) who ended up been a God sent. I must say I had my reservation initially because i felt he was like the rest i just stayed waiting for when his chapter would finish but he has proved me wrong. He has been a brother, father, friend etc to me. To think at some point i felt i would never have someone to call my own but God has blessed me with one who I can call my own and who gives me peace of mind. Most times I even wonder if it is real or i am dreaming. Just want to let all my lovely and ever beautifull finsters who are single not to worry but use this time to develop,take care and love themselves the best way they can because their mr right is on the way and most times he comes when you least expect, And when he comes you will be so greatfull to God that your past relationships didn't work, its just a matter of time and all will fall into place. I will definitely keep a very big table for my finsters to come wine and dine to their fill. Love you all.........

Sisters please don't tolerate a cheating husband, Divorce him!!!

Hi everyone, I was added to this group by my soul sister and amazing friend Zoe. I got married at a very early age to a pastor and we moved to the US immediately. I am not bragging but I was a great wife then mother of 2 beautiful children. A boy and girl. I was married for 11 years altogether but divorced now. I was very ill last year and my husband decided that he couldn't be there for me but decided to cheat with one of my best friends who was engaged to a girl for 2 years. Now I have nothing against anyone but I took this girl in because she needed someone. I was an amazing wife who made sure there was a home cooked meal everyday, the kids were okay and took care of my husband. But when I needed him, he was cheating. Anyway I wanted to share this as a way to encourage my other sisters. Our culture is not accepting of divorces but do not tolerate any form of disrespect from your partner, husband or anyone. I met my best friend and husband Daryl in my darkest moment and he thought I was the most amazing woman on earth and has treated me no less. He made me his wife on Sunday and we are having our first children together early next year. Yes twins. His first and my 3rd and 4th. Don't ever give up on love. Don't ever think you deserve less. Most importantly, God never gives up on his own. I have always been a source of encouragement to my friends and my experience has made me better. I am here for whoever just needs an ear. It gets better. We are stronger than we know.